I had arranged to meet Laila (@lovemylina on twitter,follow her,hehe) at the Bowery Ballroom,in the queue (which was pretty small) . She told me this was her first ever gig,apart from going to see friends' bands.
So we get in, then we have to wait at another door inside,to go upstairs into the actual venue. Laila paid for my coat in the cloakroom,2 bucks,so I thought I'd buy her a drink,13 bucks for her drink and a coke for me,rock and indeed roll! At the door there was a sign saying the capacity was only 498,which has got to be,apart from the Leicester gig,or King Tuts,the smallest Cribs gig I've been to.
We head straight to the front of the stage,which has no barrier. As we were waiting Laila noticed that the Von Bondies drum was reflective,hours of fun right there and I listened as she bitched about the person next to her,and her 'get in the bag,Ryan' catchphrase.
The Von Bondies were pretty decent,playedC'mon C'mon and I got thier set list. Shippo came on the stage and I was like ''SHIPPO!'' as you do! The power ballads were in full effect as we waited for The Cribs to come on. Me and Laila are standing right in front of Ryan.He was wearing stripey long johns under his ripped jeans,good look! I've never actually noticed that Ryan spits when he sings,thats how close I was!
Before 'Be Safe', I had a thought - .Sonic Youth were playing New York on the Saturday,so maybe Lee Ranaldo would pop onstage. He didnt ,but near the end a guy that looked a bit like him was popping his head out the door,it was a fella who worked for the venue. When the gig finished,Laila got Johnny's plectrum off the stage,but she wanted Ryan's. After that we go to the merch stand which has 3 t-shirts,no scarfs or mugs,and Laila buys the Ignore the Ignorant black t-shirt and the one with them all standing about.
We wander outside, Shippo comes out with some gear and I accost him "are The Cribs coming out?" he's pretty vague about when they are coming out, so we wait.........and wait, everytime the door opened and I saw it wasn't them,I said "That's not a Jarman".
It came to about 1am,and I said about five times "I'm leaving!" which I didnt, then one more person comes out, Laila goes and speaks to them,and as if by magic we are back in the venue. I was unaware that you were allowed to stay in the venue to drink after the gig finished! (duh@me) so we head up the stairs and back into the bar. I see Johnny speaking to (@crisscaspian twitter peeps) Ross and Shippo sitting down chatting,pretty sure to fans,or just themselves *shrug* ,and Gary was at the bar speaking to someone. Ryan was nowhere to be seen,I turned to Laila and said "we're so close,yet so far".
So couple of minutes go byand were standing there all awkward like Michael Cera(but not as cool)Laila sidles up to Gary and tells him who i am <3 So me and Gary get chatting,he asks me what I've been up to,and he was telling me about the tour around March,where they will play small cities. He even mentioned a highland tour! He asked my why I was in New York,and I said "To see you guys". Gary says to me "Wait here,I'll go get Johnny,he'll be well impressed you came all this way." A minute later Johnny comes up to me all Manc and geezerish(I'm probably exagerrating,hehe) he looked pretty wasted, but I've been told on twitter that he doesnt drink *shrug*
We chat,and then he notices Laila's tattoos.which she has many of, and which Johnny is impressed by. Next I speak to Ross,he says to me "You're from Edinburgh arent you?" "No, Inverness." "Well it's pretty close." We didn't seem to say much else,not as LEGEN....... as our Bristol chat. Meeting Ryan wasa bit of a blur,really.I get pics with everyone (except Ross for some reason ) a woman passed me,then said to Gary "Is this the 30 Cribs gig guy?" LEGEN........then its time to go,back up the stairs past the Lee Ranaldo looking guy (who was wasted!) and out into the Manhattan darkness to the subway. Took me a while to get back to Brooklyn 3.30am I got back to my hostel.
DAY 2
I'm not going to go into massive detail,so dont worry
Here are the highlights
Laila wasn't at this gig
i didnt get there till about 9(watched 2012 in the cinema before)
It's a nightmare getting to the Bowery Ballroom from Times Square
The Von Bondies were amazing
I got a shout out onstage "(something i didnt hear)........this is his 30th Cribs gig"
Laila's mortal enemy was there
An epic flirting session with a chick who looked like Katie from The Ting Tings....same hat!
I got my 3rd Cribs setlist,thanks to Shippo
Got a t-shirt,the Jeffrey Lewis comic one
Waited at the bar this time
An annoying chick came and sat with me at the bar(her name escapes me right now)
She thought it was wierd to come to new york to see The Cribs
she has 33 people in the world she wants to meet
one of them was bowie,who she's met.....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
The Cribs came out,the whole bar migrated to them,I thought i'd play itcool and wait till the scrum dies down......they left immediatly,sothat plan backfired...I waved to Ryan tho...he waved back
12.17 pm What's the perfect start to the day of a Cribs gig? That's right, being told you have a throat infection! Absolutely fabulous.
8.05 pm Manage to get one in at Grand Central (where some of the local crew are also imbibing) before heading for the Ritz. Never been here before but it looks like your typical old style venue with a big stage area and grotty little alcoves where rumness no doubt ensues. Especially during the club night called 'SEX', I'll wager.
8.30 pm The Thermals are going down well with everyone, they're all youth and spiky guitars, Generation Z college rock I suppose. I like them anyway but my head's banging from the raging infection and there's a power struggle happening on the barrier in front of me so I'm having to dodge some passive aggressive elbow-shoving. Also, a couple on my left spend about half an hour taking each others pictures, cute but having a flash go off directly into my retinas every four seconds is not helping the old headache situation.
9.12 pm Seems to be a lot of newbies here, you can overhear comments like "Why are they playing 'Take My Breath Away?'" and "They're not going to go on too long are they?" ! Not a bad thing, just different. Being pretty much sober and ill I feel a bit detached from the whole thing, like I'm watching it on youtube with a mate sporadically pushes me and spills beer down my jeans.
9.14 pm Shippo has had a costume change between bands. A costume change! What'sthe world coming to?
9.17pm Must not sing along to Buffalo Stance.
9.20pm On come the band to the strains of "These Boots Are Made For Walking" and launch into a new song called 'We Were Aborted'. The sprung dance floor makes me feel like I'm on a trampoline - a great addition to my general wellbeing.
I'm A Realist, Hey Scenesters
Ryan - We're the Cribs from Wakefield....and Manchester
Gary - And Portland!
No Gary, you're not from Portland, you live in Portland. You're from Wakefield like your brother says. Show off. :P
Our Bovine Public, We Share The Same Skies, DYWBR
Ryan announces they're recording this for a live album. Oooooh. Explains the tour, I guess, but I wonder if Ryan knows he got the words to OBP wrong?
Victims of Mass Production, Girls Like Mystery, I've Tried Everything, Cheat On Me
By the way, Wichita Recordings are twittering furiously throughout the gig and they say 'remember Cheat On Me', so maybe we're looking at that being the next single.
Women's Needs, Hari Kiri, Moving Pictures, Another Number, Mirror Kissers,
There's a funny segue into Men's Needs but I can't figure out whether it's a fragment of a new song or what...
Be Safe is epic, the video screens are out and everything.
Ryan mentions that Johnny's first ever gig was at the Ritz but Wichita Recordings twitter 'Johnny's first gig wasn't here - Shirley.' Ryan thanks everyone for throwing clothes on stage for him, he's picked up a tshirt and shirt tonight free of charge. Cheaper than Oxfam!
They end on Wrong Way To Be warning us there's no encore. And there isn't, but I feel about ready to drop dead so I'm slightly relieved. Off to have a sleepy double vodka in Grand Central, excited about the new album, the live album, and everything else on the way.
Having only just got back from LA, baby I was 50/50 whether I was going to this gig. After all it was in London, I had just taken an extraordinary hit in the pocket by buying too many tshirts at Comic-Con and I'd have to stay overnight because of sucky train times. Who was I kidding? As soon as I saw a missive stating that a limited number of tickets would be available for a limited time I spazmd and arrnaged the whole thing in a matter of minutes. So predictable. I haven't yet learned that 'limited' can mean 'limited to only a million tickets for a limited sale period of 5,000 years'. By the way, can I take this opportunity to reprimand The Cribs' mailing list? I received no information about a pre-sale and had to get the links off the forum. I never get emails from the mailing list, what's going on?
Anyway, reached London town at 7, took a decade to check into the Thistle because every single person seemed monumentally surprised at the details of their booking and had to have it all changed. Had some texts from darkhorse who was queuing in the rain and quite peturbed about the presence of a fire engine at the venue, but all's well that ends well. Shout out to the conscientious barman who refused to sell me a £2.50 lukewarm Becks in a plastic bottle because I didn't have ID. Although it is still awesome to be mistaken for 17 when I'm the ripe old age of 28 I was gagging for a beer and didn't get one, so I hope all your dreams go unfulfilled.
After a brief mercy mission to Tesco Metro for emergency medicinal ginger ale (don't ask) we cram into the doors by the side of the stage. There doesn't look like 600 people here but the place is rammed, there's a pile of concussed cats outside where people have attempted to swing them. Set list is as follows : (oh yes, and note to guy who kept tutting and rolling his eyes when I was tapping my mobile, I was noting the setlist for the benefit of the human race, not texting, so get over yourself)
BTW Johnny Marr and Andrew Knowles are on stage.
Our Bovine Public Hey Scenesters! DYWBR Victim of Mass Production ("This is a song me and Johnny wrote" says Ryan) Girls Like Mystery I've Tried Everything I(at this point Gary introduces Andrew Knowles on the keyboards) Kind Words From the Broken Hearted Women's Needs
Ryan mentions that they're sick of playing festivals and relates a story about a band in Budapest with a standing drumer who dressed as either a cop or a cock, I couldn't hear him properly. He then asks how many of us wish to see Ross pull this off and I honestly don't know which way to vote. If he said 'cop' then yes, if 'cock', then not really. If he did say 'cop' I refer Ryan to the lyrics of Television "Hey man, let's dress up like cops, think of what we could do. Something said, we'd better not".
Moving Pictures Another Number
(Here Gary breaks to explain that his shirt is from H&M. "Just to end the internet speculation".)
New untitled song (from the setlist)
Ryan is now picking up clothes from the stage and wears a fetching red and blue tracksuit jacket which makes him look like a member of the Polish Olympic Team. He comments that if he sounds bad he can pretend it wasn't him on stage, "then someone'll say, it was Ryan Jarman and he's a legend!"
Mirror Kissers (at the wrong speed? Was it just me?)
There follows something unintelligible which is apparently a new song but sounds like they haven't actually composed it in the same room as each other.
Men's Needs Wrong Way To Be Be Safe I'm A Realist
And there we have it, a great warm up and a suitably sweaty crowd. The addition of the keyboards definitely fleshes out the live set. I'm stil unclear on the cop/cock question so if someone could clear that up for me I'd appreciate it.
...and some came from abroad! Well, Inverness anyway. Operation Minibus
was on yesterday, a folly consisting of trying to get 16 Cribs fans
from the North West to Coventry for a 'warm up' gig at a nightclub
called the Kasbah.
A
guy calling himself KnackeredConverseBen posted on the Cribs forum back
in March to say that there would be an 'intimate' gig at the nightclub
where he was the booker, and told us that we could have £200 towards a
minibus if we got one down. How I got involved I don't quite remember
but it could be something to do with the fact that I'm a busybody Queen
of Entropy. So, three months later, after cancellations, swapping about
and a last minute double booking by a complete fool from Advance Travel
Leeds, I was stood at Oxford Road station in Manchester waiting for two
people I'd never met before to get on this 16 seater to oblivion.
Luckily neither of them were murderers, one had come all the way from
Inverness on a coach to be here, and the other had come from
Sainsburys, rather less impressively.
Most people were getting
on at Leeds, a random assortment of forumers and their assorted
friends, all of them thoroughly nice people. 'The Cribs' went on the CD
player, and after a stop for birthday cake at the service station (more
of that later) we were outside the Kasbah looking like weirdos as we
had an impromptu buffet served from the minibus step.
Moving to
the more traditional picnicking arena of a grass verge we sat eating
sausage rolls, pringles and scotch eggs, being eyed cautiously by the
scenesters making their way into the venue. Kelly Cherrypicks was due
to turn 24 at midnight so we sang to her and after a few lethally
strong vodka and lemonades in plassy cups we went inside, amazingly
getting past 'security' with a pro digital SLR camera and a digital
voice recorder!
The Kasbah is pleasing to the eye but the queues
at the bar were ridiculous, the bar staff stretched to their limits and
the beer was so expensive that it formed the only topic of conversation
for the assembled crowds. There was a chorus of "How much?!" every time
someone got served which must have been fun for the barman. The venue
is absolutely rammed and we've already been split up into two splinter
groups so some of us start off upstairs where there's a bit more room
and you can actually still see the stage if you don't mind it being
slightly blurry through some tinted glass. After Kelly hassles some
bouncers they open up the balcony doors and we havethe best view in the
house from stage right.
Shrag are excellent, full of bounce and
madness and the front row are responding to it. Later me and Kelly saw
the girls in the toilet and let out a girly cry of 'Hi Shrag!' to which
they replied "Hi!" in unison and we all collapsed into giggles like a
missing scene from Sex and the City.
When The Cribs finally make
the stage Ryan whacks his head on the doorway before they launch into
Bovine. By now there are many more people on the balcony and we're
having to do a stupid balancing act with two half pints of lager
because the bar has run out of plastic pint glasses. I've never seen
the pit at a Cribs gig from above before but it looked like a swarm of
crazy, sweating bees and I was glad I wasn't down there getting bounced
around like Ms Pacman. As Danny Glover once said, I'm getting too old
for this shit.
The setlist is awesome, dropping in bsides and
storming through most of MNWNW and The New Fellas. I hear the familiar
chugging of one of my favourites, North of England, and Ryan announces
'This is for the cool people'. I translate this into 'This is for the
minibus people' and it sounds twice as good. Everything's going
brilliantly until Gary says "I can't do this anymore, I'm just being
honest. It's nothing to do with this band but just me personally. I
can't do this anymore.' Donna and I stare at each other with that 'Did
I just hear right?' look, and the crowd boos. As the guys start playing
again there's a real buzz of confusion which doesn't subside until Be
Safe calms everyone down with the dulcit tones of Mr Ranaldo and his
funny pipe. Be Safe is such a great song that it should inspire great
works of art, symphonies and architectural wonders but for lack of
brushes, instruments and blueprints everyone just points and jabs the
air.
As the boys wander off stage everyone is cheering extra
hard in the wake of Gary's comments (or Gary-gate as it came to be
known on the forum today), in case this is the last we see of them.
Then the DJ comes on and tells us all he'll be playing songs until we
all drop dead so we bag a nice booth on the balcony and submit to the
ultra-priced bar. We've been told there's an aftershow but it seems to
consist of what we in the real world would call a club night. Just
around the time this kicks off I go looking for Ben the promoter
because he owes me the £200 I have paid for the minibus. Strangely he's
nowhere to be found and no-one knows where he is. I wonder if he's some
kind of mythical figure and then I notice that one of Team Jarman is
outside, having been thrown out for being too young. Now, we were never
made aware of the fact that under 18s weren't allowed in the venue
after the gig, what are they supposed to do, round them up and do DNA
testing? Anyway I have an altercation with the bouncer, who I would
describe as a neanderthal except for the fact that neanderthals had the
brain power to use simple stone tools and this bloke would struggle
with a twig and some berries.
Eventually Ben appears and it's a
Wizard of Oz moment as I realise he's about 19 and incredibly affable.
We sort out our bit of business (Ben = ace bloke) and I am escorted off
the premises by another security guard, seemingly for the crime of
talking back to a knuckle dragging simpleton in a bomber jacket. After
a last minute sweep for stray Team Jarman members me and Melissa head
out looking for cheap booze houses who don't much care about ID. We
find a dodgy looking 'student wine bar' and settle in with two hammered
regulars, the rastafarian landlord and four Cribs fans from Manchester
who've been chucked out for smoking in the beer garden. The Kasbah's a
nice place but they need to sort out their security, it comes to
something when even the band on stage have to interrupt the gig to tell
them to leave their fans alone.
Back on the minibus we're
heading for home and Kelly's distributing birthday cake (actually it
was chocolate logs but that was all I could get from the service
station). After a while everyone's napping on each others shoulders
even though some of them have only met a few hours ago. We drop most of
the busers off at Leeds station and by 4.30 I'm back at my hotel and
Rob and Mikey are off to Oxford Rd and hopefully then Inverness.
Some of them came from the North of England and some came from abroad
Oh Brixton.....Not been there for years and unfortunately my hotel was a billion miles away so I just got there in time for The Cribs.This tour has seemed a bit weird to me - it's the crowds, and knowing that some people are not there for The Cribs, which is an unusual feeling. It's kind of a relief that it's all over and now we can get back to proper tours.
Went to the front but the ever swelling tide of knobheads pushing round were making it hard to stand up. Having worked all day then travelled for four hours to get here and walked all over bloody Kings Cross looking for the world's best hidden hotel I was in no mood to stand and be elbowed repeatedly by some idiot. I stood at the front for about half and hour and then headed towards the back to find somewhere to stand where I could actually see something.
The back of a Cribs gig is a strange place, I've never been there before! People were actually standing still while songs like Hey Scenesters! were playing, it was really surreal. There were definitely some people there who had been guestlisted and didn't want to be there because they were just chatting - yes, actually chatting! - while the band were playing. 'Sod this for a lark', I thought and went back into the melee where there was a bit of atmosphere. The lads were playing brilliantly but they didn't seem to be having much fun, they looked a bit tired.
Be Safe was excellent, there had been rumours that Lee Renaldo was going to be coming on stage in person to sing it but that didn't happen. I don't know if it ever was but I think if it had transpired I might have passed out with pleasure and been stretchered out. Incidentally, this is the first Cribs gig I have been too where I have been in no way injured, so something of a milestone for me, though I did miss the adrenaline of not knowing if I'd survive the night. (A bit dramatic maybe, the last injury was a piffling scratch to the hand from a broken plastic cup, not exactly Keith Moon territory).
Afterwards headed to the afterparty thing at Jamm in Brixton with my mate Clarry. There were a couple of really good bands playing and the Cribs were supposed to be DJing but that never happened so we got Russell from Bloc Party. He was alright I suppose, throwing in some superbly cheesy 90s dance music, but there was an indie crowd there being treated to trance and a lot of people wandered off until he relented and played something singable. Jamm's a good place, and the crowd there were really friendly and happy, not like the deplorable poseurs you get in some London clubs on Fridays.
So it's the end of the tour, I've travelled over 600 miles, spent a fortune, seen four superb Cribs performances, been branded by the worlds biggest stamp courtesy of the Jing Jang Jong, been scratched by Shippo's cat, drunk my weight in bitter and vodka and come out the other side. Same time next month then.....
Still sleep deprived from last night I got an early train up to Leeds for the HMV signing. I've never been to one of these things before and the whole thing seems a bit odd but I thought I may as well. After finding myself in the wrong HMV, and then in the wrong end of town I finally saw the mini queue and got in it, before realising that I was supposed to buy something from HMV first (this wasn't actually the case but as usual there was some kind of Chinese whispers going on about the hoops you had to jump through to actually get something signed). I was too tired to fully understand the situation and ended up buying a Klaxons album I didn't want to get the NME vinyl which I've already got. Luckily some lad kept my place in the queue, but I ended up sandwiched between the cast of Skins who were all trying to get off with each other over my head. It was as it this point that the bouncers came round handing out the NME vinyl for nothing and I quietly seethed.
The lads were running late, by about an hour, but the queue moved quite quick and got my album box thing and vinyl signed. I handed over a CD to Ryan of Men's Need and Foundations being played on the pan pipes. Apparently it was played at the after party accompanied by various confused looks.
Managed to find my hotel even though it was hidden away down some back alley and I was back out meeting up with uber fans Kelly, Emma and Donna at the Pack Horse. We made it to the Leeds Uni Refectory by about 8 ish I think. Some guy approached me with a camera and asked could he take my picture for the Joe Lean website. "Of course!" I smile, not realising that he's about to stamp my arm with a 6 x 4" Joe Lean logo. Most of it rubbed off on people in the pit, leaving just a large black smudge on my arm. The picture isn't up on the gallery yet but I'm sure I look demented.
Bumped into Mrs Jarman who was dismayed at the length of the toilet queue. Do they not have toilets back stage at the Uni? Poor show to make a triple A guest queue up for three hours. Saw a load of people from Cribsmas which was nice. We went up to the front when The Cribs came on but there was a massive screen blocking off most of the left hand side of the stage so we had to go into the melee to see anything. I can't remember the setlist for the life of me, but they played most of the last album. Be Safe was superb. Johnny Marr made a re-appearance having been MIA for the last few dates to play Panic and something else which I've forgotten.
Kelly and I went on to the Library where Jonny Strangeways was playing upstairs. I got asked for ID on the way in, which made my night. It's a great venue, never been there before but it has the added advantage of a stage for all the show off dancers who've drunk too much. (Like me for example). A lot of the people from the gig were there as it was billed as the aftershow party for the gig, though the band (minus Ryan, get well soon ) and assorted crew were actually downstairs in the main pub.
What ensued after is best left to the school of "What goes on tour stays on tour".Onwards to Brixton and annihilation.
Normally the Liverpool gigs are at the Academy or Barfly so it was bit confusing going up to the University Guild, not been there since I went to watch my ex-boyfriend doing an interpretive dance (don't ask). The chatty cabby on the way up was telling us that he went to see The Sex Pistols in Keighley in 1977. Couldn't understand all of it because of his accent but the phrase "shagging the girl next door" leaked through.
The Ting Tings were alright, I didn't catch them at Manchester because I was in the pub but they weren't as objectionable as I thought they were going to be. After being treated to the delights of DIOY,Y on Saturday I went for a sit off with my mate Kev while they were on,we could hear them anyway, the bar's right next to the gig room, but I'm bored of glowsticks. What's with the bars at these places, they're staffed by idiots! These people are studying on degree programmes but they can't work out who's turn it is to be served at a bar. If they're the future of the country God help us.
Joe Lean were alright, I quite liked them at Manchester but then I realised last night that their moves are exactly the same, it's all choreographed. They're enthusiastic enough I guess but the whole thing seems really rehearsed. Mind you I'm comparing them to the Cribs in that respect, probably unfair.
I was stood right at the barrier on the left hand side near Ryan so I had a great view of the bouncers throwing crowd surfers out of the fire doors. What's up with that? Apparently some community minded people were letting them back in through the other fire exits - I applaud you. I seemed to be surrounded by class 4c again, they weren't moving much but they did scream when the lads walked on. Still can't get used to that.
DYWBR and Bovine Public are great to start sets with, I thoroughly approve. Can't remember what came after that, but Hey Scenesters! was there somewhere. Martell, You're Gonna Lose Us and Mirror Kissers were there, at one point during the latter (I think) Ryan's mic stand fell over, Shippo came to prop it up and Gary jumped on him and wouldn't let him get up. Ryan then led the assembly in a chant of "Shippo!". Later when I was queuing for the cloackroom the lad behind me said "Wasn't it great when that stage gimp came on - what was his name? Skipton?"
Ryan was reaching out to people being pulled over the barrier but they were being thrown straight out, which was rubbish. I'd like to think that he played Concrete Life in response to the heavy handed bouncers but probably not. It was ace anyway, and went straight into We Can No Longer Cheat You.
Ryan's thing this tour seems to be 'dressing up box'. There's something quite endearing about watching a grown man trying to simultaneously put on a girl's cardigan and play the guitar. He requested that people throw as many clothes on stage as possible because he's run out of tshirts. Cue a barrage of assorted shirts and jumpers and a withering look from Gary as the lot has to be kicked off stage. "You can make a difference - charity begins on tour" says Ryan. Funnily enough I don't think he'll be making an appearance dressed in Primark cardies for the other dates on the tour.
The best audience response came from the tracks from MNWNW, and it seemed like a lot of the crowd didn't know anything from The Cribs or The New Fellas. At one point Ryan asked "Have yous got the New Fellas?" and a big cheer went up but I think they were fibbing because from where I was stood there was a muted response to some of the album tracks from it. Another Number was very popular, obviously. I'm A Realist came right in the middle of the set so we knew there was going to be no appearance from Johnny Marr. The night ended with Wrong Way To Be and the customary stage dive from Ryan, even though he said he'd been told he's not allowed to do it anymore. Could this be after the alleged knee-in-eye-socket incident at Lincoln Engine Shed? Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault? You could be entitled to compensation from Jarman Injury Lawyers 4U.
Leeds next - I must admit I'm knackered but happy.
Manchester last night was a bit of a weird one. I think we all knew that there'd be a different atmosphere on this tour and that there would be a lot more, for want of a better word, Scenesters, about. I never thought it would be this bad though: for a start, maybe I'm just getting on a bit but everyone there seemed to be about nine years old. I avoided the bar because the scrum was a joke and I knew I'd have to pay about £4 for slightly less than a pint of lukewarm watered down beer. I don't care what they say, it is watered down, because I can drink about eight pints of it and still recite Hamlet.
I settled down the front with some children. Honest, they were children, they were barely out of nappies. Does It Offend You, Yeah? They were rubbish. I was trying to like them but I just couldn't, it was crap. I got a MIDI keyboard a few days ago and my attempts to learn how to use it were about the same standard as what they played. It sounds really soulless and flat, and I don't think lifting your keyboard above your head and screaming is any way to end a set.
Joe Lean and his Jing Jang Jongers were up next, but first I can see Shippo wandering round on stage - he looks like the other techies are bullying him and he looks a bit lost. I'm sure that wasn't the case but I was half expecting him to be at the bottom of a piley on within minutes.
I quite like Joe Lean but Jesus Christ, they're all freakishly tall.What's going on with them? They look like the Tim Burton House Band, all pointy bits and black clothes. I liked the drummer, I thought he was brilliant, and they were interesting to watch but it got a bit tired quite quick.
At this point I decided to move because I already wanted to murder everyone around me. I went outside for some fresh air and got accosted by someone trying to sign people up to the Joe Lean mailing list. The Academy's being remodelled or something so there's a big corridor of red steel leading up the portaloos they've set up. All the smokers are out here. As I'm walking back in a guy points at me says "See? That's what it's all about!".I have no idea what that meant.
Back in and I decide to swap sides of the stage and get near Gary's end, as it were. What a grave error. Started out okay, I went to the front but there was a gaggle of glitter faced girls in front of me,blocking my view. Out of the corner of my eye I see Ryan coming out of a side door.
"Look! It's Ryan!" says I. Cue a screaming stampede as the girls run towards him waving their cameras about. I slot into the second row nicely as Ryan gets mobbed by them. Sorry mate, survival of the fittest and all that.
Unfortunately I'm stood behind My Little Fucking Pony, who keeps swishing her mangy tail into my face every 5 seconds. I amuse myself by blowing it out of the way until she tucks the thing into her jumper where it belongs. The view here is okay but I'm surrounded by complete idiots who seem to know all the Cribs' lyrics but don't know that when you stand in the front at a gig you might get shoved around. All the way through some outrageously camp bloke and his hefty friend are jabbing me, kicking me, shouting right down my fucking ears. I stopped carrying a knife a long time ago, lucky for these two. I couldn't reach into my pockets or I would have stuck them with a Cribs Online badge.
Anyhow, the gig was excellent. Bastards Of Young, Bovine, I've Tried Everything were really good. Be Safe was great, I had a feeling they might bring it into their set after the Brudenell because it worked so well there. I didn't realise until today that there had been a film of Lee on the big screens, I was too far forward to see, but that's an ace idea, I hope to get a look at it on Thursday at Leeds. The lads had a picture of their recently deceased dog Olly on their drum skin, which made me quite emotional cos my own dog died a week ago. I'm sure they'll be playing happily in doggy heaven, both sick of hearing The Cribs being played constantly round the house.
I was beginning to think that Johnny Marr wasn't gonna come on because they were getting closer and closer to curfew time, but just before the end Ryan announces him and on he comes to applause which I think they call 'rapturous'. Truth be told I think some of the crowd were too young and stupid to know who we was. I swear to God someone next to me (the same girl who screamed at the top of her lungs when Gary walked out) said "Is that their brother that they said was dead?", Ryan having previously called Olly the 'fourth Jarman brother'. Panic was really good, it actually suits the Cribs, it's quite angry and anthemy isn't it? Never thought of it like that with Mozzers dulcit tones on it, but Ryan adds a bit of edge.
I couldn't hear what Marr was doing quite frankly, because the sound was awful, but it looked good. Ryan looked ecstatic when he walked on stage. They finished off with I'm A Realist,which I enjoyed from the back of the room as I was worried about the old 'night in Oxford Road station' that I've risked so many times before.
In terms of experience this was probably the worst Cribs gig I've been too, which isn't a reflection on the band at all, they were superb as always. I just felt a bit out of it, like it was a festival performance where you're the only one there to see them. Liverpool's always a good craic, so fingers crossed that'll pick me up on Thursday.
After another good long lie in for the girls it's out to Leeds to seek out some food. We end up wandering round the Corn Exchange before heading to Nandos where we have a chat about The Cribs.
Mia asks me how I got into the band and I relate my too-long-to-tell story. I was managing a radio station and working all the hours God sent, and I was hearing virtually every new song, every new band around, and none of it was doig anything for me. I'd given up on new music, and I was so close to putting a full stop after my record collection. Was The Thrills really the best that music could offer? I was disillusioned and fed up, I'd fallen out with music. Amid a hectic day yet another CD landed on my desk for me to listen to. I really couldn't be bothered and held out no hope that it was any good. Well, I heard the opening bass riff of Things You Should Be Knowing and 2 minutes and 53 seconds later I'd put music back into my life. I had to know everything about this band, they had be on my A-list, and all of a sudden I cared about what music we had on the station. I made sure me and my staff were always seeking out new stuff and going to gigs, and I've not looked back since. The Cribs renewed my faith in what music could be - pounding, raw, real and visceral.
"That's what you should have said to Ryan, " said Mia. "You know, instead of just kissing him like a knobhead". That's not exactly what she said, but you get the gist.
Back at the Brudenell and we're sitting in the lounge again. Jon Slade is wandering about,as are The Kaiser Chiefs. There's a strangely muted atmosphere, like everyone knows it's coming to an end. Ryan's wearing his 'Christmas suit' and looks right handsome. The b-sides from this album are ace aren't they? I haven't got much to say about it really, it was just brilliant.
Bingo is being called by Ryan, but the LED board's broken. Jonny ends up just writing numbers on a bit of paper, and then just whispering them. There's nothing scientific going on here and pretty soon it's all chaos again.
Shippo introduces the Kaiser Chiefs and off they pop. I'm not one to be unkind but if the mince pie eating contest had gone ahead I think we would have had a clear winner with Ricky Wilson. He's a healthy lad, there's no mistake.
Another auction and I, in my inebriated state, find myself bidding. I'm about to go £200 into the hole for a pair of Ryan's jeans when my Sensible Brain (Drunk Brain's sickly sister) tells me to put my bloody arm down and stop being so silly. The person bidding against me is one Kate Nash. Now what does she need with an old pair of her boy's jeans? Kate - listen to your conscience and send them to me girl.
Ross is the Jarman VS the barman, who is actually Peanut from the Kaisers, and he wins by a country mile. It's those muscly arms you see.
Anyone who's been to the tour dates this year has seen most of the new album being played but there's still the matter of Be Safe. Everyone was hoping that Lee might make it over the water to join the lads on stage but that's a treat for the future. He's on a tape and it's still brilliant. At the end of the set, after Don't You Wanna Be Relevant, the crowd are still chanting for more. "We're really happy that you want us to carry on," says Gary. "But we literally haven't got any more songs". The crowd responds by singing the intro to Another Number, so they come on and do that before collapsing, dead on the stage.(That didn't actually happen, but it might've).
For the last three nights I've been handing out badges featuring Gary and Ryan from The Cribs Online. Some people are a bit suspicious, giving me that 'How much?' look. By far the most asked question is "Why aren't there any of Ross?" The truth is, he doesn't stay still long enough for me to take his picture, but I'm working on it.
There's no rest for the wicked tonight though, we're off to Wire to hear the Cribs DJ set. It's all ticket and we have to queue outside in the bloody freezoing cold but at least it's warm in there. Jonny's playing a lot of Cribs and before I know it I'm being pulled into a rough waltz to The Watch Trick by a handsome young man who turns out to be our own Duke of Wakefield from the Cribs forum. The place is packed and there's a great atmosphere so the time flies by and before we know it it's 4am. Gary and Nick Scott have been spinning discs, Ross has also had a go but Ryan's settled in with his missus. I'm dancing in a haze as usual when Mia grabs me and says "Come and meet Gary!" dragging me into the corner. He's very taken with Mia as she's come all this way and they're chatting away while I try and stay upright.With him is the guy who's been filming all three nights and Gary mentions that there'll be some kind of book of pictures coming along with the DVD. We have some pics taken with Our Gaz and then we're off, walking through the streets of Leeds as the sun starts to come up.
Roughly three hours later Mia is off to catch her flight back to Estonia via Dublin and I'm still sound asleep, trying to recoup the energy lost over 3 days. It's been emotional.
We slept till nearly 2pm for God's sakes. At least Mia could give the excuse of jetlag, I was just being lazy. We went for a wander around town, not really knowing what to do with ourselves. We had a half-arsed plan to go and find an internet cafe and try and find out the goss from last night on the forum, but that never happened, we went to Primark and I got a jumper, as part of my brilliant new plan to not have to carry my coat round with me.
We headed to the Royal Park pub hoping for some food. The place was pretty empty and we hadn't eaten all day but the staff seemed to be in the middle of some kind of meeting. We kept hearing the strains of The Cribs coming from the jukebox every now and then, and a smallish Cribs contingent built up in the pub, Lizzy was back for day two, Stephen and couple of others were there too.
When we arrive at the Brudenell at about 6.30 we can hear the strains of the accordion part from 'It Was Only Love' being played, and it's pretty ropey. Now, I play the accordion, and I was quite happy to step up and do my duty, but it seems Ryan was going to have a crack, though it's doubtful he's practised it as much as I have. Just ask my neighbours, who've started sending death threats. We sit in the corner by the telly and some guy comes in and puts Doctor Who on, and sits watching it intently, even though it's a repeat from ages ago. There seems to be more people here than last night and there's a few familiar faces, like the guy who tried to grope me and claimed to have gone to school with Ryan and Gary. Not for long, clearly.
Lizzy's got last night blues because she hasn't got a Friday ticket. I do feel for her, I can't imagine how disappointing it must be to know there's something this cool going on and not being there. As we wander in, my 'no coat' plan, having slightly backfired when I froze my tits off in the taxi queue, is coming into its own. I've got my BBC Radio Sport tshirt on which I'm quite proud of, but I'm also paranoid that something's going to happen to it. I don't know how Ryan copes with being stripped every night, it must cost him a fortune in Marks and Sparks tshirts.
The b-sides from The New Fellas singles are some of my favourites and it's brilliant hearing them. 'North of England', 'I Was Her Man...', 'Happy's Just A State of Mind....', some of my favourite Cribs songs. Jon Slade comes on to join in 'Advice From A Roving Artist'. I can't listen to that record now without thinking his voice sounds like Naboo from the Mighty Boosh, but it's better live. Or it would be if he knew the words. The whole things's endearingly half arsed. I love it.
Off the lads go and on comes Jonny Go Go Go Go again. This time we're treated to a Cribs pub quiz with ridiculously hard questions such as 'What is Ryan's shoe size?' (obviously aimed at those who steal his shoes every time he stage dives) and 'How many times has Gary seen National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?' (the answer was half a time because the thought it was shit - Gary, I urge you to watch the thing in its entirety, there's nothing funnier than a man being attacked by a squirrel. You should know, it happened ot Ryan when you were kids, remember?). Lizzy, Mia and I get a pathetic score, but it's only a bit of fun, right? Wrong! Some people are actually trying to cheat off of us! Bad move!
Kate Nash is tonight's support act, and I actually liked it. She's very good live, she's all bouncy and stuff. Ryan and Gary are watching from the doorway while she's on, Ryan has a drink in his hand, let that be a warning to anyone bloke who wants to shout out requests for parts of Miss Nash's anatomy. Beware Jarman Pint Justice.
After Kate there's more silly beggars in the shape of Ryan in Barman VS Jarman. The barlady Pat won easily, you can see it unfold by looking at Pebsy's video on the Cribsmas page of the site. Then there's a shambolic game of Musical Statues in which anarchy reigns. No-one knows who's in and who's out, Jonny has lost it and by the time we get to the end there's no time for the much awaiting mince pie eating contest. There's an auction of some of Nick Scott's brilliant artwork to raise more money for CF and then The Cribs are back for The New Fellas.
Ryan'a been costuming again, his lovely white shirt with writing on it. He's also bleeding from the mouth - just like the old days! Thoughts seem to be divided over whether this was real or not, but someone calling himself Ryan posted on someone's Live journal saying that it was. Make of it what you will. I'm stood over by Ryan, and out comes that accordion. Being an accordion player is strange, it's like having a rare disease. You're usually the only person anyone knows who plays one, and my accordion is a bit rubbish so I was hoping he might throw his gorgeous white one into the crowd for me. It wasn't to be unfortunately but as he strapped the old box on a voice behind me said 'I thought you were going to play it Kirsty!'. I don't know who that was but thanks for feeling my pain.
The crowd is really feeling this set, it's a nice atmosphere and everyone's bouncing. Ryan comes flying over the top during Wrong Way To Be, but he's sensibly taken most of his clothes off beforehand. At that point it seems weird that he's going to get back on stage and play Haunted,something so slow. It wouldn't have been the same to do the album out of order though. At the end of the set Ross arrives front of stage and says "And that's the end of the album!"
There's been a lot of bouncing around from me, I'm sweating like Red Rum and so we adjourn to the bar for a sit down. A lad from the forums whose name I've forgotten is there with his hand made Merry Cribsmas tshirt on and we all just sit there panting at each other until we're moved on.
Back at the hotel it seems odd that we're only going to do this once more.